Husband calls out 20-year-old wife for spending $200 on groceries for family meal: 'We absolutely can not make it to January with the money we currently have'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 27, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Everyone has different relationships with money, and everyone has different responses to stress. And unfortunately, those are two things that tend to go hand in hand. Money causes stress, and in a relationship, it's even more true. If you're in a partnership and sharing money, you need a good way to deal with that. The best way to start solving that problem is by communicating. Nothing gets solved unless you open up a dialogue about it. This is especially the case if you're struggling financially. Maybe one or both of you were laid off, maybe you're experiencing a life change, or maybe the world is just squeezing you a little bit tighter than it normally does. This happens to so many of us, and yet we have no cut-and-dry path forward. 

The best way to start, though, is by sitting down to figure it out together. Maybe you can draw up a budget that both of you will try to stick to. Maybe you make clear demarcations about whose money is whose. These are all ways to start. 

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  • A couple shops together at a grocery store, scanning the shelves for items.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The couple in this story ran into this issue when they were both facing financial strife. The wife's response was to pretend like nothing was happening and to continue living her life. The husband's response was to try to draw a line in the sand. Read on to see what conclusion they came to.

  • Am I wrong for being extremely frugal?

    Hello, Me (22M) and my wife (20F) are currently being affected by the government shutdown. We are not getting paid but are being forced to work. We have enough money to cover bills and rent through November but not quite enough for December. The way it's looking this shutdown will last at least a few more weeks but could go into
    via u/Hornball2132
  • the new year. We absolutely can not make it to January with the money we currently have. We do have roughly 10K we could use on credit cards but will also have to make payments and be charged interest so that will dwindle fast especially if this stretches into December. We were just at the grocery store and she was
    via u/Hornball2132
  • purchasing food to make dinner for her parents and 3 other siblings in celebration of her mother's birthday. I didn't necessarily have an issue with this until I started to see everything she was purchasing. I estimated roughly $200 in ingredients. This didn't make me mad but I became
    via u/Hornball2132
  • extremely anxious, overwhelmed, and scared. I have been doing my best to make the most out of our money and stretch it as far as we can. I then took the one thing out of the cart for me, which was roughly $12 and returned it to the shelf. This pissed her off and was extremely upset that she spent roughly 10 minutes reassuring me
    via u/Hornball2132
  • that we'd be fine and she felt as if I overreacted. On our drive home she told me that I was being dramatic and needed to chill out. I then became extremely frustrated that my worries were being unaccounted for. I don't believe I overreacted. But I am not sure if I'm truly the asshole or not. AITA?
    via u/Hornball2132

  • Commenters agreed that this was something they needed to discuss further.

    chooseusermochi • 14h ago NTA. The general recommendation is 6 months savings to be able to cover living expenses. (also, there is no shame in going to the Foodbank now, that is what it is there for.)
    via u/chooseusermochi
  • A woman shops at a grocery store, scanning the shelves for items.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Embarrassed_Map... • 14h ago NTA. I'd probably react the same way. When I was out of a job, I cut back on unnecessary spending. Sounds like y'all need to have a talk on spending expectations until you get paid again
    via u/Embarrassed_Map1112
  • ReadMeDrMemory 14h ago . NTA but you two need to sit downand work out a shutdown budget right now. I'm with you. There's no saying when (if ever) you will see another government paycheck. This seems likely to be a VERY long shutdown, at best.
    via u/ReadMeDrMemory
  • T-Chunxy 13h ago . ABSOLUTELY NTA- My family's entire life was upended when some regional jackhole decided to void TONS of state mandated rules for state and local union employees. My wife was one of said local government employees.
    via u/T-Chunxy
  • We went from a 20 year plan to "We need to reevaluate ALL of our spending today, if not sooner" I have always been the primary cook and shopper in our house, but the new situation put a LOT of strain on things. My wife literally
    via u/T-Chunxy
  • had no grasp of what day to day things cost. She'd be like "it's only $4more, that's nothing" and I'd restate (so many times) that $4 every week x 50 (not including weeks we were at fam) was $200 for that SINGLE exception, and that WITH EVERY EXCEPTION, we were blowing our budget in a 'death by a thousand cuts' sort of way.
    via u/T-Chunxy
  • It was exhausting for me, and it took me almost 4 yrs after we were out of that "day to day" danger zone, to finally relax a little with spending anything.
    via u/T-Chunxy
  • Usual-Owl9395 14h ago . She needs a reality check. NTA at all.
    via u/Usual-Owl9395
  • OC6chick 13h ago Nta. . Relatives also might be more aware and not allow this meal to be your and her burden.
    via u/OC6chick
  • Sensitive-Bee-3781 14h ago NTA - but yall need to have a sit down conversation about your finances and worst case scenarios, maybe look into a food bank or even zero interest credit cards. is there anytime in the day or week for either of yall to pick up a small part time job like serving just to get a little bit of income coming in?
    via u/Sensitive-Bee-3781
  • What about family? Could you potentially ask siblings or parents for a small loan? Hopefully the government won't continue to be shut down and yall can get paid soon but worst case scenarios do need to be accounted for.
    via u/Sensitive-Bee-3781
  • Princesskaunaa · 13h ago No you're NTA, it's perfectly normal to be stressed when going through something like this. I would talk to her tho & come up with a game plan. together. She honestly shouldn't be spending money on extra activities like that unless y'all have a plan of how y'all will be okay financially through the shut down
    via u/Princesskaunaa
  • xkdchickadee · 13h ago If you are affected, there are 0% Loans at federal credit unions to support workers such as yourself.
    via u/xkdchickadee
  • Isabelsedai · 11h ago Why is she making dinner for her parents? Its incredible dumb to do that. You should not make those purchases. I would suggest talking to your wife, so you are on the same page.
    via u/Isabelsedai
  • Ok-Creme8960 - 13h ago 20 and 22? Time to put in a side hustle. If y'all are that age and working for the government, guessing AmeriCorps type gig. I supplemented with Craigslist landscaping and babysitting gigs. 200 for a good day beats the stipend and keeps you out of the red. Also, have
    via u/Ok-Creme8960
  • some frank conversations. Write out income, bills, debts. Put that shit on a whiteboard and keep it in front of your faces. Satisfaction when you cross one off. Also r/dumpsterdiving. It's how I ate back then.
    via u/Ok-Creme8960
  • Wise-Matter9248 14h ago Everyone reacts to stress. differently. Some people pretend to themselves it's not there, some people do everything to protect themselves.
    via u/Wise-Matter9248
  • It sounds like your wife and you have different reactions. You definitely need to sit down and go through finances and make a plan.
    via u/Wise-Matter9248
  • You also need to talk though how you can both be gentle with one another when stress starts to show. Things aren't going to be easy, and you need to make a plan of how to meet each person's emotional needs before it gets rough.
    via u/Wise-Matter9248
  • Winter_Owl6097 · 13h ago $200 for dinner? You can make a nice meal for the 7 of you for cheaper than that. (Says the mom of 7)
    via u/Winter_Owl6097
  • Trekunderthemoon 12h ago NTA your concern seems reasonable to me. DJT doesn't seem to be to bothered about getting the government reopened while most presidents would be worried about people being in your situation he only seems to care about things that
    via u/Trekunderthemoon
  • affect him directly and he's still making money. It would be great to think he'd have things up and running again soon but I think that given who he is it's reasonable for you to be concerned that this could drag on.
    via u/Trekunderthemoon

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